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If I Knew When to Exist

by DartAjax

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1.
If I Knew When to Exist 02:01
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if I knew when to exist I would do so right then it's not that easy to exist in real time I claim I do everything I know is that enough? what I know nowhere near enough if I knew when to exist I would at that time it's not that easy to be where we are all the time in a bind all the time in a bind all the time if I knew when to exist I would right then it's not that easy to exist in real time I claim but I try as we all do in a bind all the time if I knew when to exist I would do so at that time If I knew when to exist like now
2.
Get It Back 02:55
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I wonder what happened yesterday it seems I may have lost my way if I find it hopefully nothing's wrong it seems I may have lost my way I would like to get it back I would like to get it back to get it back
3.
Feeling Real Again 02:26
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I want to feel high but I want to stay low looking for the place in between where I am in control this is how I feel all this as I am this is how I want to feel feeling real again some days are off some are on I try to find a way to explain myself to me this is how I feel all this as I am feeling real again
4.
Find Myself Hear 03:15
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when I fear the end is near I try to find myself hear seeing another way finding today I think about all the ways I try to stay out of it all feeling another way seeing today when I think my aim is clear I find myself hear I think about this all the time I try to make what's mine seeing things that should not be I kick myself it's only me
5.
As Soon As You Can 03:41
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I told you you would have the answer today please join me as soon as you can if I knew what I wanted I would find it right away feeling things seeing things in my own way how to describe to feel I'm sitting on the edge not the world but a chair with shaky legs run to the corner to get away the room is small so I hit the wall and then to find a field like I'm sitting on a ledge not going to fall because I'm already on the ground imagining those clouds the ones that lift us in the air I see myself relaxing there please join me as soon as you can please join me as soon as you can imagining those clouds the ones that lift us in the air floating relaxing there please join me as soon as you can please join me as soon as you can if I knew what I wanted I would find it right away on solid clouds we can lay around all day I told you I would have the details today please join me as soon as you can
6.
How We Get By 02:06
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I try I hide inside with my thoughts my intentions not known on every day like this one not now this is how we get by keep a little bit inside this is how we get by I live I will die I know but right now I hope I am not alone with everyone around even if it feels sometimes even now this is how we get by keep a little bit inside this is how we get by
7.
Instant Time 02:34
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I'm having an instant time following what's mine not a crime that I know of suddenly all is real maybe all too real to realize what's going on instant time not wasted time in my mind always instant time if this real so real trying to travel without moving at all so much more always more can't contain it at will instant time not wasted time in my mind always instant time can be difficult if it goes by take my place in line I'm having an instant time following what's mine not a crime that I know of instant time not wasted time in my mind always instant time
8.
Worse Things Better People 02:18
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I worry sometimes about my luck I have dodged a few maybe a bunch distractions floating in my head it makes me wonder who I am at all looking forward but not that far deadly accidents I haven't met my end not quite not now not here worse things worse things worse things worse things better people than me worse things worse things worse things worse things better people than me so many we have already lost there is no way to estimate the cost and I wonder sometimes why I'm still here at all I want to know but I don't want to know not yet not here not now worse things worse things worse things worse things better people than me worse things worse things worse things worse things better people than me looking back over my head all the time
9.
If I Had My Way 02:52
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if I had my way I wouldn't see what's going on every day and if I had my way most of what I see wouldn't be at all if I had my way I'd get away I'd only look when I'm forced to if I had my way and not be in the way I would there are some things I want to know I will be gone but still I'd like to know the future of our world and how we survive or not because we won't if I had my way I wouldn't watch what's on TV every day if I had my way I'd go to sleep in peace if I had my way I wouldn't know that would be fine for me and after what will we see there are some things I want to know I will be gone but still I'd like to know
10.
Imaginary Consequence 02:17
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I can't have it if I don't know what it is hard to define in that way I can't feel it if I don't know what it is I wish I could find out either way imaginary consequence I will see this until the end there is more but I don't know what it is there is less still I know it must exist there will be another lifeline it will be not another one of mine I can't stand in your way when I am sitting in your doorway step around jump over see me another way I can't have it if I don't know what it is hard to define that way I can't feel it if I don't know what it is wish I could find out either way imaginary consequence I will see this until the end
11.
Every Day We Try 02:57
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I think all about this I think all along of the things we do most of them are wrong there's no guide to tell us still we have to try what is above us still we wonder why every day we try at least there is that every day we lie a little bit at a time there's way to put us in our place we make this up as we go along I think all about this I think all along of the things we do most of them are wrong every day we try we try I have a hard time knowing if what I do is bad it's true I pay attention and still end up wrong I think all about this I think all along of the things we do most of them are wrong every day we try of the things we do most of them are wrong
12.
In Over My Head 01:58
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playing another hand taking my time I am in so far over my head what's next I can't pretend I still can win I am in so far over my head where can I go is it too late to fold? I am trying to fit in with my new friends I don't really know the rules some kind of hold 'em now I'm the one to lose my watch my car my head I hope to leave with I am in so far over my head in over my head the pink slip to my car is gone how will I get home? too late to fold lose in over my head in over my head
13.
In The Mirror 03:13
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if I told you what I saw in the mirror not so much clearer it was me out of touch with the reason we carry on every day I get to wondering when it goes away what we see in the mirror a reflection of all of us what we are going through every day in the mirror what we see in the mirror we see us as we have to be but we don't want so much clearer than it has to be what we see in the mirror in the mirror in the mirror in the mirror
14.
Nothing Real 03:04
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imagining reality over time it will be another wave of secrecy what is it that we see nothing real is nothing real I should know but I don't no I don't not at all not all imagining sincerity how would we react like it isn't real nothing real nothing real that I can find nothing real in my mind imagining reality over time it will be
15.
Searching For My Soul 03:18
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all along we see and we know too damn well you know it's true we feel but not that well and I have seen how to hope I steal away my soul feeling facing it all might be too much ooh too much ooh searching for my soul there's nothing else to do but finding all there is as well I'm looking for my soul where the angels are searching for my soul anywhere at all searching anywhere where should I know searching for my soul facing it all searching for my soul is too much for me
16.
Shopping Cart Full of Chemicals 03:25
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all I know all I see is is more than a shopping cart full of chemicals from the lab I find it at the store and it tastes so good I wonder why it's tested out on animals we should know they approve and so I my taste buds would never lie here are among the goods we call them good like it's understood all I know all I see is more than a shopping cart full of chemicals eat them up you know I will you know I will yum all I know all I see is more than a shopping cart full of chemicals
17.
Think of All The Times 02:13
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think of all the times I help you lose your mind good or bad imaginary real or sad think of all the times no one left behind here we go again I was here you were too we try to find something new
18.
To Get This Right 02:56
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looking for the answer not hard to find searching for the clue I don't mind at all I don't think I know I bet you wouldn't know what I'd do I claim to understand but i don't know what I'd do to get this right now right now I don't think I know and I bet you wouldn't know what I'd do I claim to understand but i don't know what I'd do to get this right I don't think I know I bet you wouldn't know what I'd do I claim to understand but i don't know what I'd do to get this right ooh reaching forward seeing ahead all in view I don't think I know and I bet you wouldn't know what I'd do I claim to understand but i don't know what I'd do to get this right ooh
19.
Too Much to Lose 01:57
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what we wanted what we see if hard to know we've got all we need for now for now it might go away I hate to say there's too much to lose too much to lose take my hand understand without warning this all could end you should know I will be here until the end understand I hate to say it but there is too much to lose too much to lose what we wanted what we have is all we need take my hand understand there's too much to lose too much to lose

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released March 3, 2023

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DartAjax San Francisco, California

DartAjax represents the solo recorded output of David Leonard, of San Francisco, CA. He (me) has played drums in a number of bands and still does. He plays all the instruments in the DartAjax stuff (usually drums, bass, guitar, and vocals). He wrote and recorded all of these songs on his own. ... more

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